Seriously. I mean, seriously. If there was one honest member of the Bush Administration, just one person who wasn't an out and out glaring hypocrite, it would be a frickin' miracle.
Behold, the kind of thing that makes satire so last week:
Bush Official Resigns over Escort Links
Randall Tobias, head of the Bush administration's foreign aid programs, abruptly resigned Friday after his name surfaced in an investigation into a high-priced call-girl ring, said two people in a position to know the circumstances of his departure.
ABC reported on its Web site late Friday that Tobias confirmed that he had called the Pamela Martin and Associates escort service to have women come to his condo and give him massages. More recently, Tobias told the network, he has been using a service with Central American women.
Tobias, 65, who is married, told ABC News there had been "no sex" during the women's visits to his condo. His name was on a list of clients given to ABC by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who owns the escort service and has been charged with running a prostitution ring in the nation's capital.
And wait for it, ladies and germs, here comes the punchline, and if you haven't seen it coming yet, you should consult a doctor. Perhaps you have a serious head injury:
[Condoleeza] Rice named Tobias to head the two programs in January 2006, and on Wednesday was at the White House, where President Bush praised his efforts coordinating global AIDS relief. Tobias had been the White House's coordinator for global AIDS relief before taking the USAID post.
I'm serious here, people. Who in all the history of satire could have kept up with this? The powers of Swift and Pope would have been taxed unto death if they both had been writing 24/7 snorting cocaine, popping bennies, and huffing paint fumes.