Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Crap

The Journals of Eleanor Druse, by Eleanor Druse, Read by “The Author”, Books On Tape, 2004


The packaging of this short little turd of a book makes a presentation as though this were a true story, going so far as even to state that it is “Read by the Author.” From the moment you hear the voice of the nameless reader claim that she is in her seventies, you realize you’re being had.

Let me, for a second, quote you the back of the packaging so you get the idea of what is being sold here.

Inspiring the ABC-TV series “Stephen King’s Kingdom Hospital,” THE JOURNALS OF ELEANOR DRUSE documents the spiritualist’s experiences with the paranormal. Included here is Eleanor’s account of her own near death experience, occurring in 1999 as a result of a head trauma accident, as well as her present-day obsession with Kingdom Hospital — a regional medical center in Lewiston, Maine, built on a site where in 1869 a textile mill burned to the ground killing dozens of textile workers — mostly child laborers. Sensing that beneath the hospital building evil still lurks, Eleanor feigns illness to be readmitted onto the grounds where the ghost of a young girl is desperately trying to make contact.


Now, apart from the glaringly poor grammar (check out that run on sentence bracketed with unrelated m-dashes!), this hyperbolic encapsulation suggests that this is a true story that Stephen King liked so much that he decided to write a television series using this woman’s account as a starting off point. That is as much as is suggested. The book’s fragmentary ending, leaving things hanging as it does, is helpful for this series, as it can either pick up where this left off or it has its half-season shelf-life already spelled out for it.

But, have you guessed the secret yet, Gentle Reader? This isn’t a real journal, there is no Eleanor Druse. This is just more scant poundage in the gross ton of fecal matter King routinely foists upon the publishing world month in and month out. When the last tree is chopped down to publish yet more of this scatological graphomania, it won’t be the Lorax that hops out, it’ll be the head of Stephen King going “booga booga booga.”

That this is King’s work is glaringly obvious within the first few minutes of the CD. Apart from the reader’s patently obvious youth, every one of King’s overworked clichés and trite images is on display, crammed to bursting this short work. At this point, King is no longer beating a dead horse, but he’s fast at work on knocking the stuffing out of the horsehide sofa.

What initially drew me to listen to this dreck was the urge to find to some old King on CD to review. When I was twelve, Salem’s Lot scared the crap out of me. All the scares Stanley Kubrick and Jack Nicholson cooked up in The Shining were based on something. So, what I wanted to do was go back and read some of the early stuff, before good ol’ boy Steve King started believing in his last name a little too hard, back when editors actually edited his work. What he publishes these days has the feel of being unalloyed, the chaff and the wheat (mostly the chaff, though).

Unfortunately, the only thing the library had that was close to being old enough was a twenty-eight-hour recording of The Talisman (written with Peter Straub) and I had no desire to spend that long in King’s world. So, this book struck me as a fairly reasonable alternative. Something ostensibly true (“Read by the Author”) that apparently scared the “King of Horror” enough to inspire him to write in a similar vein.

What this book really is is a teaser for the television series. The copyright listed on the back of the box claims the holder of said copyright is “Sony Pictures Television Inc.” That struck me as interesting. What it really is beyond that is a ripoff of the Danish miniseries The Kingdom. The name does kind of give it away, huh? What it is beyond that even is (unneeded, redundant) proof that Stephen King should be put out to pasture.

When I say every cliché of King’s is in evidence, I’m not being exactly accurate. Yes, someone is described as wearing “Coke-bottom glasses;” yes, people die from fear, their faces in a “rictus of terror;” and, yes, the central character is a bit of a kooky outsider. The childhood mystery of supernatural proportions that comes back to haunt adults is the central theme, natch. But as the story went along, I waited patiently for the angelic though somewhat slow black man who stands for pure good. He'd have to show up soon, yes? Alas, as in Denmark, there are no black faces to be had in The Journals.

There are corny jokes like Eleanor Druse used to teach at Faust Collge. Get it? Get it? Faust College — isn’t that spooky? When Kingdom Hospital is overrun with rats, the exterminator company is Lovecraft Pest Control. Isn’t that a precious New England reference?

Which is one of King’s worst flaws apart from creaky old script construction, characters with less depth than the toilet bowl, and predictability that makes sunrise look periodic and inconsistent. Eleanor repeatedly, tiresomely refers to the "medical-industrial complex." The joke, an allusion to Eisenhower's famous military-industrial complex remarks, grows progressively more fatiguing. One suspects that King, who spent much time in the hospital after being hit by a car, is getting out his frustrations and angers at hospital bureaucracy. For added in-joke fun, while Eleanor’s in Kingdom Hospital, one of “Maine's first citizens,” an artist no less, is hit by a van while out for a walk. Hmmmm...now who could that “artist” be? King's name has clearly frazzled his brains to prop him up with all kinds of delusion of grandeur.

And the curious thing about King lately is that he’s been striving for a bit more literary cache. A stint as co-editor of Prize Stories: The O. Henry Awards with Sherman Alexie and Lorrie Moore (two talented writers propping up the doddering Old Man of Letters), getting a couple tales published in The New Yorker. What’s most amusing about these attempts is that there is no discernible effort to write better, to work harder, to hone his craft. Stephen King hasn’t honed his craft since forever. Every book or story that’s come out since about Pet Sematary has been the same treadmill of spooks under the bed, the same characters, the same settings, the same everything.

I’d say more about the reader of this work, whoever she may be, but I don’t really have the urge to add that kind of effort. Suffice to say her reading of the Maine working class accent made me wish I had someone, anyone within striking distance. I’d have preferred it to be the author of this driveling mess of a book, but after wasting some six hours on this coprolitic work, I don’t have the heart to waste even more.

10 comments:

Spaceman Spiff said...

Nice diatribe. Too bad the real author of "The Journals of Eleanor Druse" was Richard Dooling, not Stephen King.

Anonymous said...

I am the sort of guy who enjoys to seek recent stuff. Presently I'm making my hold pv panels. I'm managing it all by myself without the aid of my staff. I'm utilizing the net as the only way to acheive this. I came across a truly amazing website that explains how to create photovoltaic panels and wind generators. The site explains all the steps involved in constructing solar panels.

I'm not exactly sure bout how accurate the data given there is. If some guys over here who have experience with these things can have a see and give your feedback in the thread it will be grand and I'd extremely value it, because I really passion [URL=http://solar-panel-construction.com]solar panel construction[/URL].

Tnx for reading this. You guys are great.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

Anonymous said...

[b][url=http://www.uggsonsalewebsite.co.uk/]ugg boots sale[/url][/b] Hindi movie field, also known as Bollywood inIndia is similarly popular because the Hollywood market in theUSA. The truth is, identical to other film industries, Bollywood has rooms offered for the activity gossip in addition. It is possible to often come across several periodicals speaking about the assorted rumors and gossip, as well as covering the function as happening in the area.

[b][url=http://www.bestlouisvuittonbags.co.uk/]louis vuitton bags[/url][/b] Require John Caudwell, who acquired his begin being an auto-repair store proprietor and went on to create a $2.2 billion fortune (when previous measured by Forbes in March) by providing his 85% stake in cellphone outfit the Caudwell Group in 2005. An avid sportsman, he accustomed to bicycle fourteen miles to operate just about every working day. He cuts his very own hair since planning into a barber is actually a waste products of time.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonpursesmarket.com/]louis vuitton bags[/url][/b] Hair shade is yet another critical point. Coloring is dependent on the complexion. Honest wanting folks can go for many vibrant colour and dark complexioned persons can use shades like darkish brown, burgundy, copper. In right now competitive environment of retail, lots of merchants are utilizing exterior marketing and advertising packages made to draw in new organization. Regrettably, the fee can be very significant with minimal return on investment decision. Exactly what is normally lost while in the mix may be the fact that it may possibly be a great deal a lot more less expensive to have a loyal purchaser foundation that returns once more and yet again somewhat than regularly seeking the next new client.

[b][url=http://www.uggsclearancemall.co.uk/]uggs clearance[/url][/b] Your girl was also supporting the nervousness with the challenging marketing about the McCains' url to convicted finacial corporation Charles Keating Jr . Should you have any concerns regarding your personal health and fitness or perhaps the well being of one's baby, you'll want to usually seek the advice of using a medical doctor or another health care specialist. Be sure to evaluation the Privacy Coverage and Conditions of Use before making use of the site.

[b][url=http://www.cheapuggbootswebsite.com/]www.cheapuggbootswebsite.com[/url][/b] Just after various family and friends experienced breast cancer, she made the decision she would lastly attempt her aspiration dedicating it into the women of all ages of the world. She lives with her two cats, Olli and Rosie, and is President on the Colorado Small business Women's Community. She bikes, loves animals, and however walks, but usually in order to the full Meals..

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.49ersonlineofficialstore.com/]49ers Super Bowl Jersey[/url] emurbursofs
[url=http://www.footballravensprostore.com/ray_lewis_jersey_super_bowl]Ray Lewis Jersey[/url] TynckeyncBype
[url=http://www.footballfalconsproshop.com/]Falcons Super Bowl Jersey[/url] Proonseorek

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.freewebs.com/order-amoxicillin/]amoxicillin 875 mg. tab gre
[/url]amoxicillin 400mg \/ 5ml
amoxicillin 500 mg strep throat
amoxicillin 500 mg oral cap

Anonymous said...

[url=http://amoxicilline.webs.com/]acheter amoxil en ligne
[/url][url=http://acheter-amoxicilline.webs.com/]Axillin
[/url] clamoxyl nourrisson
amoxicilline yaourt
amoxicilline diarrhГ©e bebe

Anonymous said...

|
|
|

Anonymous said...

[url=http://longchampsoldesk.angelfire.com/]sacs longchamps[/url] Reusable bags modify you a lot by delivering your connection to being clients. Everyone who lead see your bag inst descend Mulberry Large Oliver Laptop Briefcase Brown for Men and Mulberry Factory shop sale women's handbags featuring totes to animal whatever your mercantilism. A echt choice is to use utile materials for your bags. Removable, adjustable, padded shoulder strap. Please note: most airlines allow carry-on baggage not exceeding 45 linear inches (L+W+H). This is subject to change, so check your airline for actual size restrictions.
[url=http://hujqingra.webgarden.com/]sac longchamp[/url] Shock. Next, you will need to find the rear shocks of the car. To do this, you simply need to look in between the fuel tank and the wheel All Mulberry Bags UK Shop Sale in discount prices,every latest Mulberry Handbags,Mulberry Bag,Highly Appreciated Mulberry Women's Piccadilly Bayswater Leather Shoulder Black Bag are free shipping in our Mulberry Factory Shop. of the car. Surely, one of the most important things you can do for the environment today is to set up a unit to recycle plastic. With the problems that the environment faces when it comes to wastes, your initiative to do this really counts a lot. Thanks to such a selfless idea, the world can still be a better world to live in..
[url=http://longchampmoinse.blog4u.pl/]longchamp soldes[/url] Ecovative is still working on R and compliance with American Society for Testing and Materials Top Seller Mulberry Women's Daria Drawstring Leather Tote Purple Bag at auction, Mulberry store online is the good shopping place for Mulberry bags (ASTM) International standards and International Building Code. It will focus on material optimization and compliance testing throughout 2008, it says, with a commercially available insulation product targeted for mid-2009. The company is actively seeking strategic partners to aid in Greensulate's commercialization.. You'll be able to wipe away any dust discovered in your bag with a delicate, damp cloth. Don't be overlooked of the loop in terms of shopping for a top quality designer handbag. Forget the Prada or Gucci and persist with a bag that may last you forever. mk-haihan2012 Lugging a good Michael Kors Handbags fashionable designer purse will Michael Kors Outlet come up with most of the Michael Kors main difference in your own Michael Kors layout anytime it all Michael Kors Outlet arrives at giving Michael Kors all by yourself good, or simply Michael Kors Handbags sliding even. Creators given numerous different together with imaginative designer purse traits regarding who the winner, amongst which had been Michael Kors Handbags stringed info utilizing ultra-feminine talent. mk-haihan2012..

Anonymous said...

Here those on!
I think, that you commit an error. Let's discuss.
It agree, this remarkable idea is necessary just by the way
I can look for the reference to a site on which there are many articles on this question.
I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are mistaken. Write to me in PM, we will communicate.

[url=http://shenenmaoyipo.soup.io/][b]michael kors outlet online[/b][/url]
[url=http://cheapbagmk2.tumblr.com/][b]michael kors outlet online[/b][/url]
[url=http://mkbagcheap2.exteen.com/20130122/how-are-leather-bags-special][b]michael kors outlet online[/b][/url]
[url=http://yaba.com/michaelkors2/blog/45036/][b]michael kors outlet online[/b][/url]
[url=http://www.squidoo.com/cheapbags8][b]michael kors outlet online[/b][/url]